This episode came from Jamie Hartley, a member of the Loan Officer Leadership community. She asked: how do I manage when deals go sideways? How do I deal with realtors who are stuck in their feelings even when I am doing everything right? And how do I salvage the relationship even when I know it might not always be possible?
Great question. I have a full framework for it. And I want to tell you upfront: the loan officers who lead through hard conversations the right way come out of those situations with stronger referral relationships than they had before the problem.
The Old Response Makes It Worse
When a deal goes sideways, most loan officers go quiet, get defensive, or start over-apologizing. All three responses do the same thing: they signal that you are not in control. The agent on the other end can feel it, and their anxiety goes up because the person who is supposed to be leading the transaction is not leading.
Whoever says it first wins. Name the frustration before they do. When you say out loud what they are already feeling, you deflate the tension before it builds. The conversation immediately becomes easier because they know you already understand where they are.
The VEI Framework
Validation Is Not Agreement
This is worth being clear about. When you say "If I were sitting in your seat, I would feel frustrated," you are not saying they are right or that the situation is your fault in every sense. You are acknowledging what they are experiencing. That acknowledgment is what lowers the temperature so the rest of the conversation can actually happen.
"Validation is not an agreement. It is an acknowledgement. I am saying: I understand what you are feeling, and I am not going to pretend that what is happening is not happening."
The Order of Calls Matters
When a problem surfaces, the sequence of who you call first is almost as important as what you say. Get it wrong and your referring agent gets blindsided by an angry listing agent or a panicked buyer before you have had a chance to brief them.
- 1Call the referring agent first. Get on the same page before anyone else knows. They should never be the last to hear about a problem on a transaction they sent you.
- 2Call the buyer second. Brief them directly. Do not let them hear it from the listing agent through the buyer's agent.
- 3Call the listing agent third. By the time you reach the listing agent, your partner is briefed and you are communicating as a unified team, not reacting to a blowup.
Have a question you want covered on a future episode?
Send it to support@loanofficerleadership.com and it may become a future episode. This one came from Jamie in the community and it is one of the most practical frameworks on the podcast.
Start the Challenge. $297 ›Anybody Can Close an Easy Deal
The real test of whether you are a true partner to an agent is not how you handle the smooth transactions. It is how you lead when something goes wrong. Most loan officers go silent in that moment. The ones who validate, educate, and instruct with specific timelines and clear ownership are the ones agents call first, not because they have never had a problem, but because they have proven they can lead through one.
People will be disappointed. But they will admire your leadership. And that admiration turns into referrals long after the transaction closes.
If this episode helped you, send it to two loan officers who could use this framework. Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Just get started.